Drinking non-alcoholic beer is like going down on your cousin.
Sure it tastes the same, but it ain't right.
how the fuck does easy mac keep making itself at 3am when i'm wasted? what is this phenomenon?
I am spending my child support on dildos
she looked me in the eyes and called me a poet because i was singing lady gaga, then she fell over...
Dude I broke my bong in half this morning. I kicked it as I was jerking off. I would never hide anything from you.
One girl peed the bed, one lost her panties, another woke up on the piano, I have pink eye and door knobs are missing. This is why I stay in Nebraska
only you would end up drunk at a subway with a one-eyed homeless man
There is literally a guy in my class with a gallon of water and a trophy.
Sorry I drunkenly insulted your air mattress last night. You still could have fucked me on it though.
I spent the money she owed me on enough magnum condoms to make a blimp. Damn right I'm going to make the best of it.
WHY WONT HOT GETMAN MAKR PUPR WITH ME!!!!???!?!!
drunk brunch me or lose me forever
I'm sorry for drunkenly throwing a spoon at you and then laughing at your pain.
Just got an email from match.com trying to match me with My ex..I nearly pissed myself laughing
Let's just say when I woke up I was still drunk. My hangover hit me around noon so I chilled w my dad and took a bath and shower at the same time. You just can't do that at college
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