what, no i told him that it wasnt nessesary to put all 5 fingers in my vagina
names aren't important. just tell him all you want is a lil make out sesh and keep it moving.
the only human I can compare her to is rosie o'donnell.
Her gay brother kept hitting on me and cockblocking me. Don't even begin to tell me how bad your night was.
Yes, that was me on the jumbo tron. No, i don't know why i was hiding.
I think he pocket dials me so much because I'm in his phone as 'Air Mattress'
Hurricane Sex Time is the only thing iv said since it started.
Why are you speaking in third person?
Because I'm so hungover that I don't even want to be myself anymore.
A black suburban rolled up and a scary suited guy got out the passenger side and opened the door for her as she got in. Then drive off. Who did I just fuck?
Apparently HR frowns upon current employees introducing themselves to the new employee as "Hi I'm sleeping with your cousin"
almost dropped my phone in the toilet but it somehow bounced off my tit and landed on the floor. Boobs: saving me hundreds of dollars in bar tabs and smartphones since '09
I had a dream that my roommate walked in on me masturbating and I hissed "I'm not stopping this orgasm train for the likes of you" and just kept going
I pour the whiskey from now on
he sent a dick pic to my best friends phone for me cause mine died lol pretty sure he was regretting that night outta town.
Just because your drunk doesn't mean you can stick your dick in the snow. Just a FYI
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