Let's start a violent farting gang. We can do walkbys.
Do you like marathons because that's how long I plan on fucking you.
I hope I don't blackout because this is awesome!
I'm having one of those days where I just want to lay in bed and beat off all day
he asked me if i "normally slept like that" because i was curled up in a ball facing the wall. then he told me that i woke up in the middle of the night and said "oh my god. i forgot you were here." how did he not understand that i didn't want him in my bed.
I was blowing him while he was singing Happy Birthday to his girlfriend on the phone. I win.
PS my house is a mess.
pps I have a rash on my face.
Fell asleep with Kristen and woke up with Sarah. It's official, vacation has begun.
I've decided that I'm okay with you getting a goat. I have to get over my completely rational fear of goats somehow.
You spent like 10 minutes trying to hit a golf ball that was actually a cigarette butt. And then fell over.
I'm running late...how do you explain period shits to your boss?
We probably are going to die. So. Thanks for agreeing to be my Maid of Honor even though I torture you.
I hate him but I love him for what he does which is me
Fuck it. I'm going for it. You're only young once, right?
You've been saying that for 5 years now. Let me know when the novelty wears off.
I would but he’s not speaking to me because I put ketchup in his socks.
Randomize
