He asked to "fluff my boner.."
How did you manage that?
Told her it wasn't GENITAL herpes... just ORAL herpes... on my penis
lol... jersey girls rock
my vag is singing 'hurts so good' by john mellencamp
So the "just a friend" kid confessed his love for me...sometimes I hate how awesome I am.
Telling me that I would make a great "occasional fuck" was not appreciated.
Just drove past the dude that came in your sock
I was told I sang Taylor Swift's entire discography in between violent bursts of green vomit before falling asleep in the bath tub
My aunt comes over, haven't seen her in 4 years. First thing, looks me up and down and goes "...yup, that pair ripened nicely. Theyll get you some free drinks"
I think you were raised by the wrong sister
Stop saying "make it happen". I'm not gonna say "hey, you should get naked with your sister and roll around together while I penetrate you both"
Yes. Do not say that. That will not make it happen.
Still. Make it happen
So it's ironically funny that my psychiatrist's office and my cocaine dealer's house are on the same street
There's no time frame.
For drinking wine out of the bottle and taking nyquil at 9 AM? There probably should be.
It doesn't count as "finding the lesbian" if you fuck a straight girl!
Never make a coconut bikini from a real coconut.
I smell like old thai food.
Maybe the "i killed someone" and "tequila makes my clothes come off" comments freaked him out.
The Adderall says yes, but my body says no.
Randomize
