i now understand why he chose to have sex with my friend rather then me after lookin in the mirror this morning. and id do the same thing.
Neighbors just bought a new bong. Got high with them and we decided to name it "Gary colemans sweet sugarlumps" these guys are hilarious
I sat in the mc D drive thru and refused to move till the chick gave me her number
I have eleven tally marks and an infinity sign drawn on my wrist in permanent marker. Senior bar crawl stole my liver.
Can't show you right now as we are in public and he refuses to let me photograph his penis in a bar.
i think i have that disease where you wake up in strange places drunk.
He literally sends me dick pictures, EVERY DAY. SEVERAL DIFFERENT ANGLES ..it's like I GET THE POINT.
He said bow chicka bow wow. I never thought being sexually degraded would be such a turn on.
The condom broke. Its OK tho, turns out I was just humping her thigh for 20 minutes. Jager dude, Jager.
No, supporting your unemployed boyfriend IS NOT what credit cards are for.
Who doesnt want to be Yoda? I mean seriously, how sweet would that be? Live to 400, not give a shit about love and all that, know fucking mind tricks and smoke awesome swamp weed. I'm down.
Well I've made a drinking game out of the Wiggles but I think I've got this babysitting thing down
You kicked me our in the middle of a blizzard with a dead phone. I had to give my watch to a pizza delivery person to take me home. You owe me a gyro too.
Where the fuck are you? I just got punched in the nose by a tourist
When he busted out the ketchup I got the hell out of there. It got really creepy really fast.
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