dude i just saw the hottest 13 year old but she was kinda ghetto.
Holy shit! This guy had his hands and feet handcuffed and was scooting across the interstate and we almost hit him because it was so dark. I hate Louisiana.
Ok lesson learned. Don't lick the spoon when making mushroom chocolates. The kitchen walls are melting.
I'm applying temporary tattoos with green beer, this is the life.
Bring single women, or taken women who are unhappy with their relationships, or women who are happy with their relationships but have low moral standards, or women who just like to remove clothing when drunk (relationship status is unimportant for this option)
Maybe it was silver. I don't know. I was drunk sifting through my dogs vomit.
Brilliant thought; pill pong.
What could go wrong?
You can glorify being single all you want but relationships are awesome. I haven't gone more than 24 hours without sex since June.
I just duct taped myself into my costume. I apologize in advance if you find me in a compromised position involving duct tape and underwear when you get home tonight
posting about faith hill is really not helping you get me into your bed
I vaguely remember us chasing shots by licking each other's faces last night. Our friendship has reached another level completely.
ACTUALLY FUNNIEST MOMENT OF THE NIGHT WAS WHEN YOU WERE TALKING TO HIM AND YOU SAID "WHEN YOU MEET ME IN REAL LIFE I WILL BE A LOT ANGRIER." And then he said "WHEN I MEET YOU IN REAL LIFE I WILL BE LESS DRUNK, HOPEFULLY."
I tried to think of the best possible thing I could do for my 30th birthday, and the finalist is "get a clit ring"
I just got yelled at by a stripper for being a tease.
Gov of Georgia is going to allow massage therapists to return to work.
Gives a new meaning to 'Happy Endings'.
Randomize
