I'm pretty hammered, I'll elaborate tomorrow
totally just realized while washing my face that Cetaphil looks like semen.
His mom just asked me if I was "fooling around with her baby again" and then when I walked downstairs his dad YELLED "Look who's taking the walk of shame!"
You really need to stop fucking dudes who still live with their parents.
Grab the Coors Light. Its time to get NASCAR drunk
just saw someone puke all over a michigan fan. he didn't even flinch.
Too bad my thesis topic isn't "defining a hot mess: a study in drinking, smoking and other bad life decisions."
And then he used the flashlight app to illuminate me giving him head. Thanks IPhone
No, i went to get it done but the guy couldnt find it. exhibit A of why i wanted a clit piercing in the first place.
I learn from experience and I experienced what it would be like to completely lose my mind and then wake up with a stab wound.
Sitting in my kitchen at 3am, craving dick and eating peanut butter instead. I'm not sure how I feel about being 27.
Underoos and an IDGAF attitude: all you need to successfully win at life
(Underoos optional)
She said I can't embarrass her, the challenge has been set
THERE ARE NO EMOJIS TO SHOW MY SEXUAL FRUSTRATION
I'm going to blow a ton of money on sex toys just so I can tell you to do better than them.
Would you still love me if I got a Whatever Forever tattoo? It's like the Emo kids' Live Laugh Love
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