i just ordered a pitcher of margaritas for me and a friend but she called and canceled. oh well, looks like im getting trashed alone.
the waiter who hardly speaks english told me "i go get your medicine now"
this medicine is soooo good.
Just tipped at a bar in cheerios. Suck it.
Pot didnt help. Now Im even sadder but now im afraid of the clouds and the crickets.
If my nicknames are based on what I throw up, you can call me Jimmy Johns
After Sake bombs he tried to puke into an alluminum beer bottle and shot vomit streaks in a perfect V out the sides of his mouth and hit BOTH girls he had bought drinks for that night. He was like an Icon of Cock-blocking yourself.
i just did the math...im a product of my mothers birthday sex
Please rescue me. but take your time, im getting pizza
Topenga is going to be back on TV. Finally my fantasy of her being a milf in junior high has come full circle.
He is always putting motivational shit on FB. So its like i know hes sad lonely and looking at internet porn. Break up winning
My neck is PURPLE. This is NOT a good day to be indoctrinated by the cardinal...
A respectable fucking: good but like I don't want to get kicked out of my hotel room
idk what happened last night but i just wokeup with nothing on but a necklace...what is this, the fucking titanic?
ALL I WANT IS SEMEN IN/ON/AROUND MY BODY. WHY IS HE MAKING THIS SO HARD.
my night went from a boring school play to hotboxing a car with 3 criminals
My roommate made maccoroni last nigh dropped the bowl off the counter knocking it into the dog bowl he picked up the dog bowl and started eating it claiming it was te worst Mac and cheese ever and if he wasnt so high he would stop eating it hahahaha
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