I am pretty sure I told him the clouds were earth's purest filtration system and that snow was the rarest and most delicious water in the world. My lips are burning because we ate so much.
my brother wants to know why there are wet balloons in his bed and i think you forgot to throw the condoms away but im too hungover to check if thats what hes talking about
ra ra ra ah ah
wtf?
sexting lady gaga style
margarita scented body wash shouldn't be used the morning after cuervo. there should be a warning on the label.
I found my phone outside under the leaves by the curb. What the fuck did I do last night
Traded my phone for pizza, then got it back this morning....successful night
Did I change midway through last night?
Seven times. The most notable outfits were UFC Fighter and Top Hat Viking
I feel that the drunker I get, the drunker Facebook gets.
Bitch, it's 2 in the afternoon.
Discovered a freckle on my clitoris. What have you done today?
Want to FaceTime and watch me finish this bagel?
She climbed up the stairs with three brownies in one fist, two in the other, and one in her mouth. Also, she opened the bedroom door with her foot. I may be in love.
Should I go bust a nut on the beach
so, i take that as a legit invitation into his pants
There's nothing classy about a pregnant girl at a frat party...remember that.
Despite evidence suggesting otherwise, it turns out max is 100%straight.
Randomize
