I'm playing the sound guy on a porno set
I really hope your girlfriend didnt have your phone while i texted how much i loved doing it in HER car with you :x
I GOT MY PERIOD!
damn. i had names picked out.
making cat noises will not fix the situation.
We've finally become those guys who you'd see in middle school when you went to the park who are just stoned out of their minds sitting on the swings.
Missing a small section of hand. Hope your night is going better
I had sex with her like 200 times, and she was only pregnant once, those are pretty good statistics.
omg. i wish i could describe to you the number of things that were just in my vagina. i feel like i got gangbanged by construction workers.
It's like past high you was looking out for future high you by rolling that joint and leaving it in your coat pocket. What a Halloween miracle
Apparently getting drunk at a philanthropy event and tweeting about it is "frowned up"
Hey Kellie. Me putting. My face intebetaeen ut your boobs made my night
Nothing says love like couples STD testing
Nothing says breakup like the results
No. I either had a 6 minute orgasm or I had so many I lost count. I'm still not sure.
MY GOD WHY DIDN'T I TAKE PHOTOS OF HIS CREDIT CARDS WHILE HE WAS SLEEPING
you were so high you asked for half double stack and half crispy chicken sandwich "welded together" in the wendy's drive through
Randomize
