Greg found me on xtube. Who knew random hook ups would leave their web cams on and upload it. At least it shows off big penis.
I have had more skin than food in my mouth the last three days
Starting the weekend with a pair of pants on which the zipper wont stay up. Is this a sign of things to come??
to instagram or to not instagram the picture i took of when i shit in the urinal
I was thinking more like a "sorry you can hear us, but I'm having the best sex of my life" cake
we found him passed out on the baseball field with two 40oz and wearing a tophat.
Where did he get the tophat?
He told me he loved me. I didn't know what to say so i just squirted the baby oil at him
I want a bottle of whiskey to be dropped at my doorstep like a stork drops babies when they are delivered to their parents.
God what have you done to be that much in need of alcohol.
Me WANTS my preciousssssssssss
I just spilled grey goose in my hair. You could say I keep it classy for the family Christmas parties.
Thanks for the Beyonce article. In other news, I just passed a man with the state of Florida tattooed on his face.
THE EAGLE HAS MY PANTIES. I REPEAT. THE FUCKING MASCOT HAS MY PANTIES.
HOLY SHIT. You're my hero.
My vagina has a mind if its own. Can you imagine if I didnt have you to run her ideas through.
Not now. Out of camp chairs. Carving a new one with a chainsaw. Mushrooms are starting to kick and I gotta get this done NOW.
And also ice skating can blow me. Goodnight, love you!
Thanks for letting me cross "getting high at park with children" off my bucket list
Randomize
