we were playing true or dare on a webcam chat and i was way to drunk ...i ended up having to drink my own piss outta a beer bottle, life couldnt get any worse right now
I'm going to fuck him so hard that his dick is going to fracture
Glad to see your being a lady about this
His health insurance plan WILL NOT cover Lasix surgery but it WILL cover 100% of a penis enlargment operation...
I think that's the first time i've seen 'you look like an ugly version of my ex' work as a pickup line
I'm on my way, but at some point we're going to have to settle who gave who crabs the last time
Hey can we break in your window? We need to borrow the dog.
Also, am I the only one who noticed he didn't fuck you until after you were technically a cripple? Or am I reading into this too much? Congrats on that btw
Good news. I heard back from the doctor and I don't have a liver problem.
...yet.
Planning a foam party. Swimsuits are mandatory, and please no granny suits. If you wear a granny suit I will stick you in the corner and put a cone hat on your head.
The pee I just pissed was about 7% better than the one at your house. But both are pretty far up there.
Would it be weird if I bought knee pads and shin guards to fuck in my car?
You should frame my arrest warrant.
So I bought that bathing suit yesterday and got buyers remorse so I returned it today and then stole it. Win win.
A to Z: fucking your way through the alphabet
It'll be a kids book
i dont know how or why im in the gym right now, but theres a hot cop, a guy i hook up with, and his hot friend. this can only lead to every fantasy i ever had.
Randomize
