she just stood in the kitchen yelling "REAL WOMEN HAVE CURVES"
I just found a bagel and a condom in my coat pocket. I love blackouts
I miss waking up, opening the closet downstairs, and finding you inside passed out.
No big deal, we were just two friends having sex. It's perfectly normal we don't remember. Water under the sex bridge,
She said we should all be mermaids since didn't breathe for 9 months inside our mothers. I want her logic.
yeah, i found the sharpie that everyone use to sign my tits last night. its dead.
he spent an hour trying to convince us that Ted Nugent is Kid Rock from the future. by the end of it i was very close to believing him.
For the amount of money I just spent on my dogs toe, I could have fucked the entire B squad at a low end strip club.
He just stared into my eyes and touched himself. That isn't hooking up.
I have vodka and a slip n slide so of you could come over that would be great
Nothing like cleaning out your cleavage from lunch, finding cookie crumbs and eating them...
I am going to MURDER whoever gave him my phone number but it was probably drunk me so I'm conflicted.
If i'm forever fucked up in this state of mind then I'm going to kill him for this
He will be so fat that the winter can not penetrate his blubber.
Getting so old my power naps are turning into, "can I reasonably just go to bed at this time?"
Randomize
