I wish there was an iPhone app to help you with your shitty personality.
Practice the "sorry I may have given you herpes" conversation with me before I call him and break the news
Should study in library more often, procrasturbating is less of an option.
Pretty sure I just had sex with the black kid who grew up in a car from "angels in the outfield"
How come I never meet celebrities?
She fucked me for a ride to the airport. If this is what the rest of college is like, I'm never graduating.
I had something called a trashcan. Never again. I almost fucked chewbacca.
Highlight of the night: paying my cell phone bill at the bar... I need to get laid.
Why do I only have half my beard? My chin is so naked...
You know it's bad when I can already feel tomorrow's hangover before even drinking today.
You then showed up downstairs in only a robe, telling everyone how you were "the most chivalristic fratstar ever."
Having to grow a landing strip to cover the bruises from pole dancing. Thanks for the birthday present, but next time, maybe just a gift card?
So my roommate and I have a written agreement stating that if he tries to sleep with his ex girlfriend, I have to immediately intervene and nut punch him then send her on her way.
this is the most serious roommate agreement ever
I know you're very busy with sleep and things, but when you wake up we need to talk about weirdly shaped penises.
sex on a trampoline, in the rain, on ecstasy, just thought you should know.
The economy cant be that bad, I willingly got fired to bang her again.
Randomize
