Dude, I just had an awesome rave/orgy with like bunch of hot Asian chicks on a cable car. It was like being in a Gwen Stefani video, cept w/o the bad spelling
God, I love San Francisco.
New game: Step 1) Turn on ESPN. Step 2) Drink every time someone says "LeBron."
I might scale it back and go as an investment banker. Which is the exact same costume as James Bond on LSD. I just introduce myself differently.
I don't know what he did but now I'm terrified of mustache rides and it's only movember 3rd
She said she couldn't sleep with a guy who had blood stains on his ceiling. I tried to explain it wasn't my blood, but she still left :(
I'm alone drinking at the bar and the titanic theme song is on. This won't end well.
When the shrooms kicked in we both simultaneously realized we were not the right puzzle piece for the dubstep puzzle.
We made eye contact and were like we are not welcome here, the ravers are onto us and we need to get the fuck out before we get shuffled upon
You told her that she shouldn't be allowed to wear clothes then when her roommate asked if you like her you said "no I just want to insert things into her"
I stand by it.
How was it playing wingman?
I feel like I was rockys coach watching him get the shit beaten out of him by Apollo creed
The people at subway are so judgy when you stop to get a sandwhich on your walk of shame
I'm not sure why, but my salad smells like a Big Mac. Or maybe that's just the smell of yesterday's, seeping through my skin.
Note to self:A blacklight toga party at a frat house is a bad idea. Some things cannot be unseen
Drunk level: ugly crying in the bar upon discovery of sweet tarts and not smarties.
Like if I exploded right now there would be cum and fajitas everywhere.
I don't feel like that was meant as a compliment, but really still feels like one
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