Who would have guessed that ordering a vodka lemonade at Roscoe's was code for I want a hand job
I have started doing my homework in bars. It just feels right.
well, it ended with me crying outside the strip club saying i don't want to be 21 anymoree. i'd say it was a great 21st birthday.
I don't know what he sees in her. All I see are horrible pancake nipples
and then the entire party sang the national anthem a capella around the keg.
she bonged a coffee cause she was hungover. then she bonged a beer cause she got ambitious. then she barfed. then she had to start over again.
Currently sitting in the movie theatre bathroom while she gives him a blowjob in the parking lot. Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend.
Well we're either getting a bunny or I'm getting you pregnant in about 12 days.
I just spent a solid 3 minutes trying to figure out how to send a smell through my phone
Well you were already wet from trying to drink straight from the faucet, so I just put you in the bathtub with a pillow and called it a night
Dressing as mugato from zoolander Halloween you may want to be the hand model. We can get you a fish bowl filled with Clementine Vodka and soda you can put your hand in.
If it was any colder outside, the frost from my breath would make a mixed drink
They were so sore! Either I have bed bugs or you were biting my nipples last night and don't lie to me.
The last thing I remember before blacking out was passing that sobriety test.
you said it was a life or death situation, being your partner for beer pong doesn't count
Randomize
