First time i ever had an awkward silence during sex.
Today in psych we learned that you are a whore.
Me specifically?
Yep.
i have received so many congratulations texts this morning. sleeping with him really was a good decision.
Maybe it's cuz you slapped him with a pancake last night
Now that we both have boys can we make up games that objectify them as sex toys?
Went to work in the same clothes from last night, completely covered in glitter...I didn't choose the hag life, the hag life chose me
I was so drunk last night dude. I woke up this morning to my oven being wide open and my pants on the kitchen floor.
He fucked me while wearing his night time breathing machine mask. Does this mean I joined the dark side and he is Darth Vader?
My ex husband is now my side piece. #thisis30
After an orgasm, I always feel the urge to sing A Whole New World from the move Aladdin and I'm not quite sure why.
your marriage is hazardous to my nightlife
yea, mine too.
We need to move to a different bar soon. When we're standing on the patio, and every guy around us has seen us naked...there's a problem
Have you ever been anal in a bush on the Vegas strip drunk?
Irony: drinking your pre workout supplement out of the cup your Krispy Kreme doughnut holes came in.
sad thing: we were only a shot away from an orgy. good thing: we all got laid.
Randomize
