Raise your hand if you bought 2 annoying girls shots of water. CLOWNS.
i want you now
you need to stop dating girls with the same name as your mother...or stop drinking so much...I don't want to see this
oh wait, my morality sensor is a little fucked up since I almost let my little sister's friend blow me.
Conclusion from last night: Sometimes being classy isn't as fun as making out with a guy on a pooltable in a bar. Happy birthday, Canada.
i was unaware that anal sex sometimes ends with shit on the bed.
FB needs to have a relationship status called...screwing my roommates bf..linking their names would be an easier to tell her!
The salesman looked at me like I was crazy when I explained the need for a headboard that had slats so I could handcuff people to it
There's a really old guy here with a really young girl. I'm guessing he has to make choo choo train noises to get his dick in her mouth.
He was twisted. Literally. It's like God took his dick with a pair of pliers and gave it a half twist to the left.
Jesus I should have learned from my first marriage not to get married again
I apparently asked the cab driver to show us his dick and then he showed me a picture of his girlfriend
I feel like any time there's that much rope, lingerie, and horse masks on the ground, it's safe to say it was a great night
I'm being hhit on by creepy guys please come one bought me a penis hat balloon animal save meeeee
The cop asked me why my pants were around my knees when he woke me from the sink, i replied "Officer, my underwear is still on, nothing bad happened" then he nodded in acknowledgement and we carried on with the paper work.
I want to meet people. Preferably ones with penises
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