It must be a full moon weekend. All of my weird booty calls are coming out of the woodwork. I spent 40 minutes on the phone last night telling one why he is so creepy.
After the sixth shot I started to slur my pauses.
His roommate just snorted a line of Smirnoff off the desk. I could really fit in here.
I really can't get over how proud I am of all us getting laid at the same time in the same apartment
Just finished putting caution tape around the tv. Sober me needs to prepare.
He's trying to impress me with how much money he makes. How does he know me so well?
Dude in front of me just jumped out of line at Starbucks to go puke. Vegas in prime form.
That's the point of day drinking, get fucked up by 6pm so you can get stuff done the next day. It's the adult thing to do.
Did i mention i'm like the equivilent of a prepubescent boy suffering from preejaculacy? I just about creamed my pants when he grabbed my hand..
Pretty sure I scared him off for good. The lesbian in me is ecstatic.
Take the weirdness of Japan and add the insanity of Florida and that's Jimmy
YOU BETTER TOUCH MY NIPPLES TODAY
No, it's like a legit blood drive. It's not just her out in some parking lot with needles and ziplock bags
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like picking cocaine boogers out of your nose at your parents house.
U dont jog and buy condoms n bulk
Randomize
