coke and sex party at dan's
im watching greys anatomy with megan...
wha-pishhh
it can't be normal that my body odor smells like fries
So guess who had sex in a Ghostbusters sleeping bag.
I cant. There's fences everywhere and I think I have a boyfriend. Its fabulous.
Reasons why I'm always right: I am older, I am wiser, I have a larger penis
Well then she has to know whoever you were kissing was in overalls because that's not a detail you just leave out.
i tried giving myself a bikini wax.1. i hate you 2. i think i'm dying
I'm on A4A looking at dick pics while the CEO is on the phone trying to convince me not to leave the company
I am googling "notable people who had syphilis"
what food is Colorado known for?
Pot brownies.
I passed out in your bed last night...there maybe a snickers and twix bar under your pillow
I guess she found the pillow case full of vomit I hid last night: "Oh my God. Oh my God. In my fucking FRIDGE?! Really? Hope your dick falls off there's puke all over my food. Fucking die."
GOD DAMN IT I COULD HAVE HAD A MOTHERFUCKING 3 WAY LAST NIGHT. WHY BOOZE, WHY?!
so you might not believe this but he made a powerpoint. and gave you a 3.5/10.
The shower rod just came down while I was pooping. I caught it though and the curtain stayed on, so I'm not sure if it's a good or bad omen for the rest of my day
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