I was just told by a cop that my party was the most epic party they ever crashed
Who is John, and why is his named carved into our toilet?
The chance that I have herpes may have made me find god
She put her phone in her underwear and it somehow managed to work it's way into her vagina. she has a BLACKBERRY.
she works at a police station now. i think thats the definition of keeping your enemies closer.
We did a shot for each one. Father... son... and holy ghost. That wasn't enough though so we moved on to toasting dead relatives.
level of my singleness - just ate a whole pizza topless in bed.
I have been way too involved with your nipples this weekend
I woke up to him peeling the skin on my stomach from my sunburn. If he wasn't so good in bed I'd be a little freaked out.
Just saw 1 guy dressed as a cow and another dressed as a shrimp dancing on the side of the road. We're turning around I NEED to dance with them.
Na Im fine, just need to un-grow this vagina I've developed
Chill out, I'm getting ready as fast as I can. I didn't even masturbate in the shower.
The cops busted down the door and everyone ran. I was just trying to find my shirt before I got arrested
YOU TRIED TO SWIM IN HER FISHTANK. I don't think she's going to call you.
It's gotten to the point that I'm pretty sure I'm going to need to be legally drunk before I enter the voting booth this year.
Randomize
