dude. late night with jimmy fallon isnt even funny. the people in the audience there to see him dont even think hes funny.
kinda like you and your friends.
Life lesson learned last night, if you are too drunk to use the atm leave the strip club
my 3 favorite things in life are tequila, dicks, and making sandwiches. that DOES NOT make me a bad person.
You've been drinking wine and eating bacon all afternoon. HOW IS THAT DOING GOOD?!?!
I know he is still a student. I am not asking if his being an underwear model makes it more ethical, just less prosocutable.
It's like, "you literally have no idea who i am but i definitely slept with your brother in your bed."
We just weren't working out together, on a completely unrelated note some guy that i talked to on his grinder account said i could crash at his place
I envy your ninja level of don't give a fuck
I feel like she is getting all kinds of bacterial exposure that may otherwise have been avoided had she been wearing pants
I did a kegel this morning to determine if I had been penetrated during last night's blackout. Nope.
leave me alone I'm becoming one with nature and doing plant things
In 18 months of being married we've had sex with 7 different couples. Who said you can't have your cake and eat it.
Did I try to sell your body for chicken tenders last night?
Tim is a child that you physically can't love because he makes it hard for you to even find anything redeeming about him so you debate leaving him forever at the gas station.
She is carving a little coffin out of some wood for her hamster that died. I'm flying home tonight.
we had to invent a new word for how drunk I was last night
Randomize
