i found the vodka. it was hiding in the orange juice.
he needs to stop telling all his friends what my queefs sound like. its getting awkward to be around people who can quote my vagina.
I wanna be on tlc
Impossible. You are neither fat, fertile or fashionless.
she smelled like a LAN party
That adds atleast one bjs worth of awkward sexual tension between us.
he pretended not to hear me say our safety word. how do you think I feel?
I'm drinking red wine & feeding anchovies to the dog. I'm really not picky about what kinda of company I'm in.
Since when do you have sex with people you have feelings for?
Dude you don't understand. I genuinely felt his soul's penis in my soul's vagina.
See, it wasn't that I broke my nose having sex. Its that I forgot about the bedposts...
I've woke up in his bed 4 out of the past 6 mornings. I feel like this might be the time to learn more about him then his first name and what kind of beer he drinks.
I got pushed into some bald man in the pit and spent the next few minutes with my face against his head. Man I love ecstasy.
The 4th is next week. If we don't get to a new level of high, we will be letting down George Washington.
This mustache is awesome. I can't pass by a mirror without looking in it and thinking damn, I'd like to give that guy a handy.
Who's phone is in my pants and why did I wake up clutching a handle of vlad?
might I remind you I fucked a 21 year old and almost did coke with strangers? you definitely came out on top
Randomize
