Hot mess moment: I just made really spicy guac and picked my nose, which set it on fire. I tried to neti pot it with a coffee pot, which resulted in me gagging and puking all over my bf's bathroom. oopsie.
the 24 hour champagne diet aint going so well
i looked up his schedule, waited outside his classroom, and handed him the receipt for plan b
We're cuddling on the couch that me and his brother had sex on...this feels wrong
he stopped talking to me after i tried to use his body as a surf board
I woke up in a tutu and topless. How was your night?
Wait, tell the rest at happy hour. I wanna be able to interrupt you with my loud cackles and stupid questions.
On the plus side I'm getting really good at painting the inside of a toilet with my bowels.
I puked so hard this morning that I peed my pants. I'm a gem.
I woke up to my roommate checking my pulse
i woke up to a text from someone I put in my phone last night as "Giant Penis"
what did G.P. say?
oddly enough it was a dick pic
I woke up to a gigantic ft-long tootsie roll and a note by drunk me with the words "you're welcome"
I think I achieved my goal of being high for 24 hours in the same week I promised myself I wouldn't smoke anymore
My roommate has a sixth sense about my jerking off and walks in EVERY. SINGLE. TIME.
For someone who's supposed to be gay Greg is really good at seducing me into things I don't wanna do
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