Whssdazt areerg yiu up to? U thijk ur lame!
read your last text- its a foreign language-im not ignoring you, easyyy
they almost convinced me to put "Funbags" in the 'other names you may be known as' section of the job application
She accidentally pre-ordered us Dominos for the next day at 11:30am... we were very confused when we woke up.
i wrote her a fucking poem. i better get laid for that
New handbag passed the ultimate test. The walk of shame. I had a bra, tights, skirt, shirt & sweater in it and you couldn't tell. yessss.
I distinctly remember seeing your nipples from the deck.
'Well you know, stuff happens' isn't really an excuse for sticking a cheeto in my ear
like seriously. this whole place is the shit. like i can move clouds. no other way to explain it but i can fucking move clouds.
I think my hookup is starting to fall for me. Time to break his heart.
I don't care how sexy you think I look in my scrubs. Wanting a blow job is not a medical emergency.
Made it just outside my dorm and yack on the front dirt. Wave to a dad thats staring, continue on my way.
He wants Portugal to lose so badly he threw out all the sangria. You know how depressing it is to watch someone dump 4 gallons of heaven?
Right now I'm drinking out of a gallon water jug & eating a baconator. If you're feeling down, just remember you could be me.
Found sauce from last night's pizza rolls wedged under my phone case... While sitting in my 8 am class. What happened last night?
I just made out with his twin, technically it's the same person..... Right?
Randomize
