I'm fucking your sister right now.
You motherfucker
She's next.
I'm drunk enough to talk Barbara Walters outta her panties
he was already passed out before we got there, so i already knew i was going to like him
Well right now I am watching him use the fire extinguisher off the pourch.
SARAH B AND I ARE GOING TO GO HALFSIES AND BUY YOU A CAT. IS THAT OKAY. TO KEEP YOU COMPANY DURING THUNDERSTORMS SUCH AS THIS ONE. ITS BECAUSE WE LOVE YOU.
I am listening to lecture and I can hear us in the background talking about anal beads.
I dont care how high you are "yes" is not the correct response to "what do you want from Taco Bell" Mom.
Tell them you aren't trying to make money, you are just the mr rogers of weed,its such a good feeling a very good feeling the feeling you know that were friends
Just saw a dude dressed as captain america driving down the highway. He saluted me.
He gave me the award for most entertaining blow job. That should count for something.
Don't do shots out of Tostitos scoops.
He's such a neat freak that he started making the bed while I was still laying on it naked. He succeed in case you were wondering.
I slept with my wedding DJ..... I think this means my life has come full circle
I don't know what the hell I'm going to do with myself when this is all over. I'll probably just go back to smoking pot and trying to learn italian.
Stereotypically, lax bros last the longest, but have huge egos that are annoying. Baseball players barely last 10mins, but are really nice. And than we have soccer players, last long and have no egos. Me and my friends have collected our findings.
Randomize