neither the pictures you took nor my hangover explain why there are skittles in my shoe
I think I just made patron unclassy I bought limes at a gas station and for salt we are using gas station packets of salt
Im at the zoo right now high out of my mind and feel as if the animals are watching me and Im the one in a cage.
We've had the 'life would be so much better if we were both lesbians' conversation too much for that to be okay.
he kept telling me that god made these magical balloons called condoms
You were yelling in my ear let's double team her with her right next to us
We just filmed our own version of iron chef. The secret ingreient was whisky.
What did you cook with whisky?
We started a fire.
allie, at least he made an effort and braided his goatee.
I am on my usual post-jerkoff high of eternal happiness. Like I could punch a fucking tiger.
A homeless man gave him a blanket and an ambulance drove him to sarahs...
So I guess I bought a cat last night. Fuuuccckkk.
Well sure, my hetero side is thrilled, but my gay side is soooo judging
Get your ass back to America. We've got a lot of drugs to do.
He KNOWS ALL THE WORDS TO "JESUS IS MY FRIEND", I swear if he even tries to pull shit with me I'm becoming an actual nun.
RICK BROUGHT THE HOT BARTENDER HOME. SOMEONE CALL THE FIRE DEPARTMENT, CUZ RICKYS ON FIIIIIIIRE.
lmao nvm she punched him in the face and left
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