i just spent the last half hour thinking about my totally irrational and intense hatred of wedge flip flops.
Literally passed out while tubing... Boating while hammered is a blast but thank God for life jackets
so, I mean this in the straightest way possible, but don't you ever just feel like you owe Jon Stewart a blowjob...
You rolled out of the car, got on all fours and puked then just nonchalantly stood up and waved goodbye and thanks for the ride.
He keeps asking me for girl advice, i told him im an expert at getting drunk, not girls
Should we discuss the rug burns on my back or just save that for a separate conversation
I think I found an E pill under the couch.. Or really bad tasting candy. Check back in 30min this could get exciting
This from the guy I found eating salad out of a pot lid in his boxers on his porch last night.
I promise it'll work. Just go there and keep the lights off and keep saying blaowww. She'll think your me.
Shit. I'm suppose to call the bank but I'm too high to talk numbers.
"The cab driver felt bad for us so he stopped to buy us chocolates. That counts as a valentine!"
He got hit with a horseshoe, set on fire, fell out of a tree, and puked all over the side of his car, all before midnight. Everclear.
oh btw ur so lucky i got stoned and passed out or we sooo would have bedazzled your dick while you slept. just sayin.
I had to reschedule my trainer meeting so now I'm just here eating hot pockets
If you wake up, and some of your hair is singed off, it probably has something to do with the lit cigarette you put in your hair. You said it could double as a bobby pin...?
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