Lets go to the mall and pick up some fat chicks and take them out tonight so we can be the skinny friends
Nyc is like a mosaic of my failed dates.
I showed my boss the "She Wolf" video. He sent it to all his friends and told me to make us martinis...thanks Shakira and keep it up
my sister just canceled her nose job because she thought it would hurt too much
It'll hurt less than being alone
Walked home this morning with my contacts in a shot glass.
First class.
I just saw the pics of me from the costume party as Party Boy. I've effectively cock-blocked myself forever.
He just left me a message saying he left the rest of the weed for me. Did i just get paid for sex? And if yes did i just get paid in drugs?
According to the transitive property, he has now had dick in his mouth.
we found you standing over and eating out of my neighbor's garbage can
its sad that I know 23 beers will fit into my purse
Ps I'm glad our relationship hasn't progressed into having to get married so we legally can't testify against each other
I know you're on a date and I should leave you alone but about twenty minutes ago I realized I haven't been spanked in years so if you're still looking for a birthday present, you know, consider it.
I'm in the smoking section between a transvestite molly dealer and a group of juggalos. I shouldn't be that hard to find.
Stories. There's stories.
MEGHAN YOU'VE BEEN THERE FOR 20 MINUTES
she just punched him in the balls in front of everyone and yelled "YOU SEE WHAT YOU MADE ME DO"
Randomize
