fuck, i think i'm broken. Alchyhol air mattress = the suck.
tod's in jail
he was afraid of holiday checkpoints so we let him ride my mom's tandem bike home. by himself. at 4 am.
i'm pretty sure the devil's penis is california-shaped
I can hear my fat mexican neighbor yelling "do you like that!" ...I hope its not his dog
I found a sock full of anal beads in my dryer. At least she washes them.
After I gave him a handjob for a half an hour he told me I should be a taxidermist. I'm gonna take it as a compliment.
You kept showing everyone at the bar your bra to prove it matched your shoes.
the scent of your tears make me crave pizza
I've slipped into the part of my life where I am not having sex to get Phils tickets from this chick. I need to seriously rethink my life decisions
Just watched a guy get through airport security with a full bottle of captain morgan. In my head the entire airport cheered.
Dude you chased a girl around the yard and then fell over the curb. Face first. You got up on your own tho so you reached champion status
I was going to learn how to knit but I got high instead.
Last time I "ran into him" I ended up with the clap and had to explain why the ladder was missing from the garage.
I have tasted many bathrooms
Im playing a game I have to take a drink every time my gram asks me the same question hammered by 4 guaranteed...
Randomize
