Dude, I'm in her bathroom and there's crab shampoo... is it worth the risk?
You're missing what this discovery implies... she's got a fucking bush.
I wish there were wingman of the year awards.
I'd appreciated it if you didn't lick my boyfriends face again. I'm askin nicely. Thank you.
Okay wait let me power puke and then we can go dancing
She told me she loves her boyfreind while she was giving me head. He must be a nice guy
Hey, this is Travis. I just so intelligently deduced that I am in a college dorm somewhere in western oregon. Probably WOU, based on the process of elimination.
Party Liz is going to have to have her wings clipped until someone gets me some baby reins to wear
How does one chug a beer and swing the bottle at someone in a single motion? This guys a beer ninja man
theres 2 cans of open Campbell's soup on the counter and a note that says "guess which one is puke" ... want lunch?
I used my yoga mat as a door stop so he couldn't come into my room when i was sleeping last night. Drunk engineering at its finest
I feel like you're gonna be reading this at 6 AM in a ditch or under a bridge, but please remember...I offered to drive you home. And you said no.
The sad thing is that it's 6:45 and you're not far off.
Sexiest use of a semi colon this week, congratulations.
OK, but next time I'd like to be present for our make-up sex.
You literally just told me you're ditching me because of pizza. PIZZA? Wow.
Why was I so drunk last night that I licked the bar and then the bartenders face? Why didn't you stop me? We can never go back there.
Get your heels and tits on! I’m not wasting a Brazilian because his fucking kid ate paste or Legos and ruined an afternoon suite sex and room service
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