You don't understand, alcohol has become a thing of survival for me and without it I can't function as a normal human being
Just walked by a guy on campus YELLING 'Im still hammered'
He walked into my room in the middle of the night, whispered something about the patriot act, and took my tv.
My vagina would be awesome. I would be the most popular girl in the village.
In preparation for st patty's day I finally had a shamrock shake, and I invested in an app that will apparently keep me from drunkenly texting you pictures of my tits this weekend. Please let me know if you want to not be put on the "forbidden" list!
at first i was on the bathroom floor cuz i was hungover. now im just here because it is cool
And my only real exposure to Russian culture is you and Internet porn.
who started the 'put a scrunchy' around his balls' game?
At least I got to make out with you a little before you proposed.
Literally just napped at strip club. Don't know how long
He texts me "what are you wearing" in the middle of the workday, so naturally I assume he's kidding and respond "the blood of my enemies" #foreveralone
Nothing like a dick pic from your fave ex to make you audibly exhale sadly.
does 2pm fall under the wake n bake category?
Mass text: You have all failed me. How have the people I loved so much let me go so long in life without ever eating a McRib sandwich?!
remember that party we went to sophomore year where we found that girl and had the orgy? Im totally at that house right now.
Randomize
