I am no longer a man. I just realized I prefer Spongebob to college football.
Is it a bad that I spent my 5 year anniversary with my husband texting my ex boyfriend?
my boss said she was surprised to see me this morning. i told her there's a time in a girls life she has to give up day drinking in order to make money for next weekend's alcohol. she looked so proud, i think i might get a raise.
He's doing the single life. He recently finished like a 3 year relationship. You can't date him.
But I don't want to date him. I just want to look at him. Naked. And in my bed.
He dated me before I started drinking. I feel like he deserves a consolation bj for all the effort he had to put in to get in my pants.
He painted his chest for the game... I just fucked an exclamation point.
I feel like someone had their period in my eyes.
I'm sorry I got a little outta control last night.
Think of where it's been though. That Dr. Suess book, "Oh the Places You'll go" was written for his penis.
you know you've had too much sex when your vagina hurts when you laugh
Thank god I didn't get free from the hospital restraints. I wouldent have lasted long drunk, startled and in an ass-less gown In D.C.
Some girl just walked passed me, said "fuck yeah!" and is now crawling up the stairs
It was crazy man, at one point after already going 3 rounds I tried to breakaway for a smoke...she yanked me by the nipple hair back on top of her.
Like what? And no, shrooms cannot be party favors.
I attempted to walk home at 5:30 this morning cuz i was mad at him cuz he didn't want to cuddle and didn't have pizza. I got 3 houses down n fell over.
He’s disease free and drives a Porsche. What else does a girl need?
Randomize