he just had his sister send me a message about how he's not a creeper
Was his mother too busy breastfeeding him to do it?
She was so drunk yelling at me in my driveway to fuck her. It was the ghetto version of Romeo and Juliet.
Fat spanish girl grinding against air conditioner. ive seen everything now
like when he blacked out and we found him in the garden eating your tomatoes off the vine
I woke up to his gay cousin telling me I had the prettiest boobs. I don't even wanna know.
He needs to respect me before he can fuck me with cat ears on.
I ran into my parents house and stole a bottle of vodka last night...Apparently left them a note that read "DRUNK. TOOK VODKA. BRING MORE."
All you had to say was "damn dude that looks fun, I miss ice fishing." But you sent a picture of poop. Classy
Definitely got a blow job in Charles Schwab's bed last night.
I love my job.
We've been staking out a taco bell for 2 hours trying to find last night's one night stand
He fingered me to the beat of the Fresh Prince theme song... it was pretty fantastic.
Don't judge me 👊🏼 his dick just whispers my name
New Serial podcast is out. We can listen to it tonight instead of having sex.
I'm not gonna plow a chick in front of her 14 year old brother....
Last night I had a dream that a man with an ice cream body entered a bicycle throwing contest and won.
Randomize
