Yeah, it wasn't as bad as I thought. I tried not to clench and things went pretty smoothly.
I walked into my house this morning to find an 18 pack on the counter. I think that's gods way of ringing the bell for round two.
finally achieved: got laid in the religion section of borders. thought you should know.
The sign in front of ihop says "designated drivers get half off their order"
He made me meet him in the baby department of walmart where he was waiting with his pregnant girlfriend. Time for a new dealer
This bitch flirting at the bar needs to close her legs and open up a book. I can literally feel my IQ dropping every time she bends down to show her tits.
Jealous?
Very.
Yes I hit her with my car. Yes I gave her a ride home. And yes she gave me her number. What's the problem?
He referred to his penis as "a gentle giant" and said I had offended it
Based on the time of Sean's "I'm on your street" phone call last night, we had sex for an hour and a half. Man, time flies when you're getting boned to an orgasmic death.
im In safeway buying a bottle of Ciroc in short shorts at 3:00 pm on a Monday, yeah I don't know either.
He kept telling me that it stood for Sex Utility Vehicle
Not sure how my purse ended up in the bushes last night... Or why there was a noodle strainer in the toilet.
I feel like I should send her I'm sorry I've been fucking your boyfriend flowers.
found my cat trying to steal a lighter to hide away for himself. cat what are you doing. don't pocket my lighter.
I’m traumatised. Bring vodka and condoms.
Randomize
