I think your mom looks like a breed of donkey and elephant, but her boobs are perfect
but his dog just died...ill send him an edible arrangement or a 6 pack or something
I need to surround myself with more reliable stoners...
You should get with him and swear you have to use lambskin condoms. That'll test his veganism.
I hate about 85% of people that I meet. I'm an awful person. In reality my only redeeming qualities are my face, my amazing scissoring skills and the fact that children love me.
True on all accounts.
My worst case scenario tonight is that I fuck a hot Swiss girl. Let that give you perspective on my life at the moment.
and lets be real... who can blow a middle school class's sunday school teacher and keep a straight face ever again? NOBODY.
I take it that, because we are not guzzling a box of franzia, everything went alright?
Post-sex nachos deserve a song.
Definitely just found that pen in the microwave. What the fuck.
classified somewhere between kinky and medically inadvisable
We had sex in the morning in pregnant lady position. Like fuck me like the hott piece of ass that I am, not your wife of 7 years.
Let's be honest, I'm cooking chicken nuggets in my Helm jersey and underwear who has their life more together than me?
Oh my fucking god that cat looks just like you after you accidentally took Ketamine
Just packed a snack to eat on the way to McDonald's. That stoned.
Randomize
