did i leave my keys in your car? BTW: sorry for throwing that drink on your date.
I wish they made portable blow up dolls for girls.
It's called a dildo, genius. Go to sleep.
Yeah i'm definitely friends with drunk kyle, not sober kyle.
the last girl i hooked up with and the last guy i hooked up with are hooking up right now. this is where bisexuality becomes a problem.
He's got a southern drawl and a lisp. I'm getting mindfucked right now.
I have hit nutritional rock bottom I am spreading peanut butter on to lays potato chips
U can find me on my couch hungover eatin tuna evaluating my life
We went to the casino to try to earn enough money to go to new Orleans comfortably. I'm already drunk. This is a horribly immoral start to summer.
Had to go see my sisters new baby this morn in the clothes I wore to the rave last night. Still drunk. Almost dropped it. I'll be a good aunt right?
Sorry, It's like OkCupid Olympics... categories: best sext, best dick pic, and most effort by ugly. You won gold in the last event if that makes you feel better.
You said you liked how I put the cream cheese on.
Just fantasized about my boss's fingers in a meeting. I desperately need to get some.
Sex was followed by homemade breadsticks. I waited till after the breadsticks were gone to tell her i had a gf.
I love you too, but sadly you're not as good at getting me out of bed as cocaine.
I I was gonna wake him up with a blow job but I don't know how he would feel about it.
Randomize
