I don't know how much more of summer my liver can take.
Walked into the bar with my burrito and ordered a round of shots for everyone. Not sure if I want to look at the credit card statement.
i don't know what happened by from the looks of her lipstick I'd say she was skull fucked by a rhino
The good news is the house is clean, the bad news is someone redecorated the bonus room by spray painting "free willy" on the wall in honor of the girl who passed out in there last night.
I feel like strippers are like dogs, the more you show you're terrified the faster they come at you.
I'll have my TA grade the tests, she needs something to do anyway. Wanna race to the bar on segways?
She can drink whiskey without a chaser and has a fridge full of whipped cream. Girlfriend potential
I'm watching him slurp a whole mango out of her hand. It's disturbingly arousing.
Judging by the garbled spelling in the calendar reminders in my phone, drunk me really wanted sober me to take a pregnancy test today.
I just found out via Facebook that my old dorm room is now the free condom distribution room on campus...IT'S LIKE THE UNIVERSE KNOWS!
You were dancing with a coffee pot of rum in one hand and a joint in the other. So that should explain everything.
Since I fall down so much at parties I've started doing this new thing where when I fall I just yell FLOOR PARTY and make people bring the party to me
I'm drunk doing an ab workout. I can only hope I make it to bed tonight.
I had the choice between 9 burritos and 1 girl...
And...?
Is it possible to hurt your vagina working out, because I think my Dumbass accomplished that... 😯😟😒😓
Do I even want to know?
Randomize