i just watched a video of two girls fucking with a banana and i thought of you.
i hate you
Then you got really excited when I upgraded you from puke bowl to puke bucket.
We were in the backseat and he was giggling uncontrolably. It felt like I was giving head to a 10 year old girl.
watching law and order svu marathons. all of the sex crimes cases start like my sat night.
I just found out that my father was a Human condom for halloween when I was 4. And to think I used to wonder where my sense of humor came from.
I don't care how high you are, you can't finger me while eating potato chips.
Just had to throw up on the floor of my car during traffic on the way to work. Car next to me saw both times. Found the downside to having a job right after graduation.
you duct taped a twenty to your thigh just in case and passed out.
I will come to your office dressed as a bloody mary, hug you then leave is that a good plan?
yes. bring a barf bucket too. just. in. case.
I just realized I'm the burger in your burger and steak anology. Very disconcerting.
Remember that girl that we found passed out in the dorm study room under a pile of money and jimmy johns wrappers? She's standing right on front of me.
The drunk people on this bus are singing Journey songs. This is the whitest thing I've ever experienced
I jammed my finger giving him a hand job. Don't ask how, I'm still trying to figure that out.
I'm having shoppers remorse over a dildo
He just told me I was beautiful, whilst I peed into a cup. If this isn't love I don't know what is.
Randomize
