how can u be prego again
i was calling myself "cat the lion" and tried eating the computer mouse because i thought it was "my prey"
I thought about farting is his face when he was going down on me last nite.
He fell asleep and they duct taped him to the floor. He's pissed.
I'll make a Jello mold of your face so everyone can get drunk off your face
I've decided I'm peeing in a solo cup then throwing it on his windshield. It's official. He called the cops 4 times in our first week at the house. He deserves it, right?
One my way home. There was too much fog, strobe lights, and cocaine for my taste.
On a scale of 1 to "bad descision", where does stealing my racist neighbors dog and giving him my roomates dildo for a chew toy rate?
It took me half an hour to realize I didnt know them
he didn't stitch me up last time. in fact, he yelled at me for bleeding.
I'm getting married
To pizza
She ordered an O'douls. That was the end of that date
I think I was high. I asked a dude at chillis if they had a cereal buffet
Clearly you need to take sleeping pills and put your phone in the toilet
I'm going to the store to get corona, salad, and blunt wraps...
Randomize
