I'm eating oreos and watching porn. This is your fault.
You know you love balls. Don't act all "I-Don't-Love-Balls-ish"
I'll never ask another girl to get on top again, that girl from the bar last night got on top and shit diareah all over my ball sack while she was cumming.
He just made me apologize because his morning wood is NOT a laughing matter.
She dumped a fish bowl of alcohol on herself. Just like flash dance.
I pretty much have hash tequila and gelato for dinner every night
A total of 95 cents was stuck to my ass the next morning.
The bartender said he wanted to turn you gay, and we got free shots the rest of the night
I worked hard to give you that boner. No one else should get to enjoy it!
stoners and superglue do NOT mix
So I guess I bought a cat last night. Fuuuccckkk.
Never go drinking with anime club. End of story.
I just wanna get drunk and watch Tarzan with you is that to much to ask?!?
Quickly hiding the condom wrappers, ropes, and handcuffs right before the parents arrive to help with moving out? Priceless.
hey sweets how's ur crotch today?
Randomize
