Thats something to write home to mom about
Dear Mom, I had sex last nt w a girl that liked to b choked. Im n love. Cant wait for you to meet her
my goal in life is to wake up with my underwear on
Just walk-of-shame'd past fifteen little girls at summer camp. Take a good look girls, I am you in twelve years.
NASCAR RACE 2010 NO REGRETZZZ!!!
It is literally 8 in the morning.
WHY AM I BEING COCKBLOCKED BY A KID PLAYING HAVA NAGILA ON THE SAXAPHONE
Hooked up with an Aussie chick last night only an Indonesian chick away from completing my lap around the pacific rim
I will come to your office dressed as a bloody mary, hug you then leave is that a good plan?
yes. bring a barf bucket too. just. in. case.
Turns out lunch break sex with someone you cant stand being around for any amount of time just makes you wish you had gone to get tacos like you originally planed.
I think they make you graduate because you get too old to go hard and become a risk. homecoming weekend wins again. fuck.
My mom asked me if I ever go on dates. I had to suppress the urge to ask if having casual sex with a freshmen counts as dating
It was only funny because some guy across the street was getting his mail and he just stopped and watched me throw up everywhere
I somehow turned head, shoulders, knees, and toes into a sobriety test
His roommate walked in then asked "well did you at least finish". What a way to start your birthday
I don't really care where everyone ended up, but is everyone alive and not in jail?
Not in jail
Alive?
sometimes i forget what nice tits i have and then i spend a month brushing my teeth naked in the front of the bathroom mirror, and i remember.
Randomize
