You should be grateful to be my roommate. My booty calls always drive you places in the morning.
You drunk yet?
Nope. Give me two hours then delete my texts before you read them.
Cant make any promises.
Yea. But u kept saying "as long as she doesn't have aids" so I was concerned
Be prepared to possibly be invited to a fancy strip club breakfast on Friday and be prepared to say yes.
I like how he had to correct himself in stating that I was the fat one in the threesome.
Well, when he's back from China he's probably gonna be pissed I used the spare key he gave me to prove to everyone I'm fucking an NBA player. We took all his booze too.
5am update: in a toga seeing triple made out with both sexes
Jasmine is diving into bushes again.
You can't just leave with hair like that
My underwear are in the stairs so apparently I did take the dog out.
Nope I went the fuck home like an adult
At some point, you're going to have to talk to a tree and do what it says
future reference: when you get a text that says "WARNING: EXPLICIT PHOTOS BEING DELIVERED. VIEWERS DISCRETION IS ADVISED." you always open the attached picture.
Swear to god, somebody just drove by with mickey mouse in their passenger seat and he waved at me.
I fell out of my bed whilst trying not to move this morning. I AM ADULT
I had ice cream for breakfast two days in a row.
SUPER ADULTS
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