I'll collect that couch/porn sloopy beedge tomorrow just FYI
Making out with married ex girlfriends: priceless
Hands down the best time I've ever had barfing.
My poor mother should have just stuffed me back up her vagina when she had the chance.
I can't get away from Pickles they're either stuck in me, in my mouth, or I'm stuck in one. fuck my whole entire life.
we need to find that guy that whips out his cock at the bar again
She checked into foursquare right as she left work so he would think she was there late and not on some other guy's dick
I have to say for barely passing high school, that girl is a genius.
It's been decided..lingerie is an investment. You get free breakfast and cab rides out of it.
He just kept screaming "I have democratic immunity" as the cops dragged him into the car.
Passed out drunk in a tanning bed...
Did At The Beach call the fire department to get you like last time?
I'm just trying to find the strength to put my bra back on and come inside
my dry spell has ended & now it's like a tsunami of dick i can't handle it
How did delivering mac n cheese to my drug dealer become a two hour outing?
I passed out in your bed last night...there maybe a snickers and twix bar under your pillow
I actually talked to his parents last night about it. haha. I had a bottle of smirnoff in my hand, I'm sure they took me serious.
Randomize
