The vibrating part of my dildo broke, now I have to rely on gyration.
Why does it always sting when I'm breaking the seal taking a piss?
b/c u have herpes
No i said "always", not "since 2003" Asshole.
even through the webcam i could tell he was aiming for my face/hair
The view from the bathroom floor this morning is fabulous
Protip: If you slur the word 'tipsy', you've progressed beyond tipsy.
If i pass out for a while at graduation, please atleast TRY to wake me?
Managed to get through family dinner without anyone knowing I was tripping balls. Christmas miracle. He exists.
I woke up with flowers, a tiara & pasta salad in my bed. Tequila makes me act like a fat Disney princess
I was trying to chase her off the carpet, but now there are figure-eights of cat vomit. everywhere
I see your walk of shame and raise you a day in jail wearing a girls old workout clothes.
Yea we had fun. Lost my wallet some girl has it. Sarah fell asleep in a cab and ended up at some wawa. It was cray. She's home now
You were so stoked after landing that flip that you dropped acid with three random guys without hesitation
Dude my doctor just legit got down on her knees and loudly begged me to do my pap smear
You know you hit Mardi Grad bottom when you come to in someone's kitchen on the floor and you are eating gumbo out of a Mixing bowl with a ladle......yeah rock fucking bottom
All I want to do is drink an excessive amount of free alcohol bought from strange men, while taking frequent trips to the bathroom to snort an assortment of illicit drugs off dirty toilet seats. Break cannot get here quick enough...
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