That's what you get when you play shuffleboard drunk.
Also I am about to cut a ringtone from "Sex Machine" so James Brown can tell me to "get up, get on up" in the morning
I once woke up to the scream from 'get up offa that thing' and smacked my head on my desk
I know the vomits not mine cause its on my back.
I wasn't trying to make you feel bad, I just agreed with you that your life does suck.
My boss just gave me full permission to come into work wasted this weekend.
The tornado sirens were going off and everyone just ran to the liquor store. .
he can show you his cooooock\nshining, shimmering, splendiddddd
She's gone now. Left with the wind like a majestic leaf that just rides the invisible current to locations unknown. And dude, her friends were really hot.
Asking the homeless man what buss shelter is the warmest was not a good idea
Just found the last picture of me as a virgin. Framed it.
My ultimate goal is to get laid wearing a horse mask... That would be awesome on all possible levels
My farts smell like burning tires and false courage
He fucked me while wearing a unicorn horn. I think I have found the one...
She's licking the vodka she spilled off the desk
Aaaaand now she's drinking it out of the shot glass like a cat
the cop found his r2d2 bong and asked me if i ever smoked out of him. i'm like, no sir. he's like ahh. if i were to smoke, it'd definitely be out of some star wars character.
easily made my night.
Randomize
