im orety awesome arent i? relly i know i am
Ugh I have so many sins to confess tmw at church, you just made me think of many more I've made on that street alone
you washed your face with toilet water last night.. i tried to stop you but you wouldn't have it.
I just ate powdered extacy out of my wallet. I think I might have for a second of my reasonable life been on your level.
Taking advantage of alcohol's depressant capabilities to curtail my fever. SCIENCE!
This guy is walking around with a deer head on. Honestly what the fuck
So note to self oboe reeds soaked in Apple Rubinoff sound GREAT.
DOMA is dead. I'm definitely going to be the last of our friends to get married now.
We played Rock Paper Scissors to see who would have to go down on the other person.
once he tried to wake me up from my hangover nap to have sex, that's when things went downhill. he had to go.
I was chasing moonshine with vodka last night. I'm still not sure how I'm sober right now.
Something like; Dear Cupid, when are you going to send me someone to date that isn't a complete psychopath
I'M SO HIGH I FORGOT HOW TO EAT A STRAWBERRY. A FUCKING STRAWBERRY.
I choose my mates solely based on size and ability. No cuddles. No sleep overs. Definitely no repeats.
Tomorrow I'm going to tape my thumbs to my palms and my biceps to my abdomen to learn what it's like to be a t-rex for a day. Anyone else in?
Randomize
