i feel so shallow. people in iran are using twitter to write hardcore nathan hale shit about dying for freedom. my last tweet was "i hate the taco shits"
He played with my vagina like it was a turntable
So...AT&T finally added picture messaging for iPhone...bring on the tits!!!
I got drunk and applied for two credit cards last night. About to find out if anyone in this world is still dumb enough to give me credit.
I just won 10 dollars from out chugging the bar tender and I found out that the baby aint mine in the last hour. I don't even care if l get laid tonight any more.
You overflowed the toilet cuz you tried to flush apples. you said they were singing too loudly
My mom just looked at me while watching the fireworks and asked if it reminded me of how I felt after sex. I'm so uncomfortable.
he said he needs a little more pabst, some time to jack off and a sandwich and he'll be ready
I'm sorry, you might have to start setting aside some time in your day for my pussy.
so when our kids ask "when did you know you loved mommy?" you're gonna say "when she sent me emoticons about slobbing on my knob?"
I don't think I will ever be as happy about anything as this man next to me on the bus eating Taco Bell.
Turns out end of the world sex is H-O-T, HOoot! I'll be the only progressive lady smiling today
the last i saw he was butt naked on the top deck of the bus trying to conduct a drunken choir so i really have no idea
Bleach your asshole, I'm on my way.
Who is this?!?!
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
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