I just had to google "How do I get semen stains off of drywall." I'm relatively proud of this
True friendship; bangin a girl to get ur friends hat back
I'm by the dj to the left. Come get me now this girl is talking about baby names and I dnt even no hers
I can't see you
I'm the only one that's wearing a tarzan outfit get your ass over here you douche
I woke up to a hotel manager knocking on my car ( window was down) and asking if I was ok
Traveling before 21 and traveling after 21 are two different things. There's a whole nother world of red white and blue weird out there
I just watched a guy smoke weed through a French Horn. He is my hero
Just played slippy cup. Flip cup plus slip n slide. What did you do with your fourth of july?
Found a girl that was gonna make out with 25 people for her 25th birthday. I was like #12. Made top half!
Come get your pancakes and take a nap in my boobs.
I’m a coke loving, addy selling, pot smoking CRIMINOLOGY major. If there isn't irony in that I give up.
I'm in Home Depot and I can feel the straight bob the builders staring at me. I bet it's like I have a rainbow arrow pointing at me.
Well, that's not my fault. I make decisions all the time when I'm drunk.
really who shits their pants then locks themselves out of their apartment? ... I threw my underwear out in a random bathroom
Im gonna start dry humping the manequins and see if i get fired.
We’ve got a propane heater on our back porch if you want to come over and eat a McRib in peace
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