just survived the first fart of the relationship.
No, I'm only going to drink half my paycheck. That's the responsible thing to do.
I still think it's messed up that you're naming your kids after all the guys you slept with in college
Just curious... Do you still have the cocks bracelet? You know, the one we pass around to whoevers been the biggest slut recently?
He was going down on me as I discovered a spaghetti-O on my boob. Its been a while since I faked it.
I have now added draft and wells specials that different bars have to my blackberry calendar.. Help me.
Just found a pic on my phone of you on squatting on the hood of a police car about to take a dump. Care to explain what happened last night?
Nothing makes me happier than finding out someone else is pregnant and it's not you.
Things you Cant unsee: When your smartphone syncs to your dads laptop and downloads photos...including his porn stash.
A little, yeah. We were stealing firewood from the neighbors (drunk), and figured it would be 10 times harder to be angry with us if we got caught if we were naked, and 100% more hilarious.
That all sounds beautiful. All I have to offer is my shining personality, extensive amounts of space knowledge, and I hear I am pretty not sucky at sucking dick
And thanks! There are perks to polyamory. And birthday orgies are one of them
Ps he swallowed my earring last night so yeah
DONT YOU DARE YELL AT ME. YOU'RE THE ONE WHO TRIED TO PAY FOR THE CAB WITH YOUR PANERA REWARDS CARD.
You kept shouting about how you were the king of all bitches...and doors, for some reason.
Randomize
