it was the least impressive dick i've ever seen... and i've changed babies' diapers.
Do you know how hard it is to conceal the fact that you puked all over the bed that someone is sleeping in?
i finally watched harry potter... a tad unrealistic if you ask me... i mean a ginger kid with 2 friends?
He was making tequila spiked Arnold Palmers and murmuring things in Spanish.
I love foreign exchange students.
It just hurt to pee because he was fingering for fucking gold in there.
I swear there's a gravitational pull from your vagina to large groups of men in uniform.
Haga you didnt jbsii whee wu an therer
Party on wayne
What's the most polite way to say "Congrats on losing weight, but no one is happy your boobs got smaller."
We need large glitter to throw at people to signify our mystic nature
Fuck their feelings and their drinks they will get hit with sparkly confetti
Officially drug you out of White Castle last night by the hood on your sweatshirt after you cussed out the attendant and stole the satisfaction guaranteed sign because they were closed!
And then we felt it necessary to continue drinking for another 4 hours, yikes
Sitting in my kitchen at 3am, craving dick and eating peanut butter instead. I'm not sure how I feel about being 27.
What was my myspace song when I went away to rehab?
It's really hard to masturbate now that I live with girls who actually function before 11 am.
Jamie's fucking a senior citizen and I'm eating chips and salsa in the shower at 2am, so whatever you're doing it can't be worse.
My husband found the cock ring I bought my FWB. I told him it was napkin holder and he believed me. And that’s why I need a side dick
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