cab driver gave us mini bottles of jd for the ride home & proceeded to run every red light. wonder how many bottles he drank.
I just walked into a tree. I think it's time to go home.
so he came in my eye... should i throw out my contacts?
we put on a show in the hot tub for our boyfriends, then climbed out and both got down on our hands and knees and puked at the same time--still naked.
its like he missed a chap in the "being a guy" handbook and read the bible instead
All I wanna do is sit in water and get drunk. The only thing more American is giving birth to eagles.
I heard porn and smelled bacon cooking. I knew you had to be home.
He just asked me if I wanted a ride on the "bologna pony." I never wanna have sex again...
does the girl puking in my garbage belong to you?
Tornado booty call.. dedication
You told me to remind you that the bruise on your ass is from when you danced on the table at Ziggy's, saw a cop and tried to 'fly away'.
it was also funny because at one point I woke up with my hands tied with a belt and we were both like what the fuck
I'm daydrinking whiskey in a princess hat
if you guys find pieces of my teeth don't throw them out please
And thanks! There are perks to polyamory. And birthday orgies are one of them
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