I just hatefucked a Bush administration appointee. Now having celebratory mimosas.
Is it weird that I found myself thinking of that blue chick from Avatar while she gave me head after the movie?
you went around and groping mens pants to see "which was worthy" of you to go home with.
you kept naming everything at the party...like "boy i'm going to make out with" and "table i'm going to dance on later"
I negotiated the purchase of an entire tray of like 50 jello shots for $8.
Well fuck that. I mean, I made out with my cousin once. Who gives a fuck.
you both peed in the photobooth after the pictures were taken.
I just laid my head on this pillow and I smelt your penis. It was comforting.
Why can't I hire someone to teach me how to be a decent human being?
I lost all of my bathing suit tops.. This is both a success and a failure
he apologises profusely for spelling mistakes in his texts but doesn't care about cheating on me. priorities
Ya know, one would think a restraining order would keep me from fucking my ex.
I'm on the fast track to lesbian land
I may have broke the toilet masturbating. On a positive note the floor is really clean now.
Yeah like stabbing myself through the eye with a coffee stir and bleeding out all over the office rug
Randomize
