Afterall, it is the real San Francisco treat
i wish they had a 'baby daddy' section in halmark, like, "hey, i know you didn't want this child and you're doing a horrible job, but here's to making you cry on fathers day"
i havent had this much fun since the last time i farted and it created a boner.
Beer is about to convince me to do something really stupid.
youre totally missing out on eating your boogers right now. my entire face is numb
Excuse me by sucking dick i am fighting crime. Just think of all the prostitues going out of business and getting real jobs.
I feel like a great embryo-shaped weight has been lifted off my shoulders.
There is tupperware vodka. thats right tupperwares full of vodka. best leftovers ever
Want to get together for a boner voyage before you leave?
don't trust your eyes. just sniff them. if they smell like axe, they are broke, move on to the next.
WHO JUST REMOVED THAT SAME BOARD IN TWO MINUTES FLAT WITH NO INJURIES, SHOES, SOCKS, OR BRA?! THIS BITCH. CRACKIN A BEER FOR DA SHOWA. BITCHES AIN'T SHIT MOTHAFUCKA
Someone is giving away free yogurt on craigslist. Can I get a ride?
No ambien sex tonight. I just ate two hotdogs with chilli and onions.
how much do I hate his dog? was just googling to see if you can rent a hungry eagle for the weekend hate.
I HAVE DISCOVERED LONDON AND IT FILLS ME WITH JOY
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