Since when does wearing a condom and going down on me make someone a gentlemen?
Fuck buddy has no power. Invited her over to use my shower. I love hurricaines.
Do you know how hard it is to write about pediatric crohn's when we're trying to figure out the keg situation for graduation?
We welcome drunken adversity.
With open legs.
Well apparently I'm no fun since I won't have a threesome with him and my mother.
I figured out why I insisted on leaving my sweater on the ground outside. I smelled it and I'm 97% sure I peed on it last night
This time, try to not get fingered in the middle of the living room.
I DIDNT GET FINGERED
I was rubbed
Don't talk to me about scholarly dedication until you've taken a final in boxers, a bloody tank top and a zip tie to hold your hair back. I wear the most sullied 4.0 crown of all time....
Dance move was taxi-ing on the runway then taking off in a plane. All the boys wanted to beat you up cause they were like "who is this angel flapping her arms like a bird in the bar i must have her"
I replaced his Viagra pills with sleeping pills.
I apparently made a "health and fitness" subcatagory called "drugs" on mint at some point. I used it to catagorize all of my nyc atm withdrawls for $60 haha
Yea no bueno and I only brought enough weed to last one night. And it was no Hanukah nug, it didn't last 8 days.
True. So did you hook up with pasta or the ultimate warrior
Little bit of both
It's scary that my vibrator is a dangerous weapon. I want a new one.
Making friends with the guy who had alcohol-infused whipped cream was the best decision I made all night.
Randomize
