i havee beer in my backseat and a glow in the dark condom in my cleaveage.
you're going for the gold here.
I discovered the grieving process is shock, denial, anger...and then something about drinking until you puke on yourself
I just had one of those moments where i was really sad that i'll never get to be asian.
Admitting I go to nursing school is my subtle way of saying, yes, I know every muscle in your penis and how to effectively use them.
What part of i'm handcuffed to an oven do you not understand?
i left after you tried to balance a shot of tequila on your head while screaming at the bar tender that you fucked his girlfriend
Im drinking in homer but I guess Egan got arrestest on an "assault by water ballon" charge but tom actually threw the water balloon in question at the bartender.
It was like the perfect storm of bad decisions.
I don't want to tell anyone! People who sleep with senators either end up in porn or guantanamo
I woke wondering who the hell was in my bed. Then i felt boobs and remembered Haha. Thirsty Thursday killed my liver and my homosexuality
Can you tell me why Star Wars Burlesque is pulled up on my phone from last night?
I asked her if she could eat some Doritos so when we made out it would taste awesome
I'm just glad I met someone who probably won't punch you in the face
I was fingering her and they busted into my room demanding to know who the best running back was, before I could say anything she moaned and said "Barry Sanders"
Do you know how difficult it is to snap a good dick pic while driving?
Randomize
