He spelled "beautiful" wrong in his text
it tastes like there's a party in my mouth and everyone is throwing up
With such a small dick you'd think he'd try to make up for it with some sort of personality.
it always starts out as a suggestion then three hours later I have cum in my eye.
Weird shit dude, I just realized that the girl I fucked last night looks like Shaun White's twin sister. I dunno if I should be scared or turned on
I hope her Double McTwist was as good as his
By the way, playing "guess who I had sex with last night" was a great way to start a Thursday, or any day
I'm calling it the Friendlationship with Benefits Zone.
She thinks Jesus was an astronaut.
I took so my adderall all I can do is lie on my floor and stare too hard at my hedgehog. He has 42 spines in the dark spot on his shoulder btw.
This Alex the guy who suck your belly ring
I've found my spirit animal. I'm a Snapple bottle. If you take my top off I'll tell you a fact about science.
Although now I have "number of cheese slices" as a unit of boob measurement in my head.
Any chance the bar is open now? Also who's wedding is this?
My mom just came upstairs handed me an Adderall and asked if I could help her wash the ceilings
Woke up next to my vibrator and a recipe for fudge brownies. If that doesn't scream I NEED TO GET LAID, then I don't know what else could.
Randomize
