come over anyways, right now, right this second
it can be a super quick quicky, then you can go back to studying
wow, that sounds SO fun, please stop enticing me with premature ejaculation
I then asked the hardee's employee: mam, do you mind if i pay 75 cents in cash and then put the 1.13 on my debit card.
I put so much effort into my vagina today. If i don't get laid tonight I'm gonna be pissed.
you sat up and said "i'm the worst kind of roommate, the drunk kind"
Come back. She's looking through naked pics of his exes on his phone and questioning him about them and I'm too drunk to walk away.
So apparently the bar gave out free condoms, which I now have a pocket full of. Why is drunk me shoving the fact that I'm single and not getting laid in sober me's face...
You are number one in my heart. But in the dick Olympics you're disqualified.
This bowl of cereal would be the size of a giant's bowl-piece. It's. that. big.
How much did you smoke??
Do you have any pix of it limp? I wanna see the metamorphosis, like a cock caterpillar turning into a giant beautiful cock butterfly!
Is "when in doubt date the guy with the bigger dick" a good philosophy?
Someone with the Instagram name "hymenbreaker" just liked a photo of me and my grandma. I feel ashamed.
I went to McDonald's this morning still half drunk with penises drawn all over my body, when my card was declined the cashier asked if I needed Jesus
I fell into a manhole last night, so there's that
I don't want his dick, I want his flame thrower!!
Apparently I gave a guy a hand job on the dance floor. ON THE DANCE FLOOR.
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