All I want to do is go home, strip down to my pants, get in the shower and pee down my leg
I start off june hungover/still drunk stumbling down my driveway with the trashcan at 6am..it's gonna be an interesting month
God. I look like such a fucking stand up guy wearing polo shirts. You would totally trust me not to date rape you.
The Ukrainian kid just told me that our econ professor wants to bone me. Please tell me that phrase means something different in Eastern Europe.
Just remembered to take my BC at the liquor store. Just swallowed it with a free sample of Whiskey.
I want to spend time with you, and by time, I mean real time. Not your dick in my mouth time.
and i'm pretty sure he drank the lava lamp
My tits are coming out a minimum of ten times
you said "this ones for the homies" and proceeded to pour the shot into your other cup instead of the ground b/c "good liquor is not meant to wasted no matter the circumstances"
Head-banging is a very stupid way to injur yourself. But this opinion is also coming from somebody who can't walk right because they cut their asshole shaving last night, so it probably has little to no merit.
Your mission, should you decide to accept it, is to pick up rum, beer, and cigarettes. Your holiday will self-destruct if you ignore this message.
I used my iced coffee to ice the bump on my head from last night
I would eat the Denny's grand slam special out of my new probation officers b hole
We should try to put a bagel on your penis
My saturday night consisted of sewing my Halloween costume and watching Blues Clues
You actually...sewed your costume?
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