perhaps when you are drinking red wine from a tall glass with a straw it is time to call it a night.
I just used my 2 drink stirrers as chopsticks to get a lime out of my drink. I really am Asian.
a fat lady just tried to bring a cooler stuffed full with burger kid through airport security. christ I'm going to miss the midwest.
Yeah, I wouldn't mind getting fingered in the corner of a dive bar again.
I guess I fell on the bar and kept trying to get back in telling the bouncer that I left my teeth at the bar. Woke up this morning with chipped tooth
I'm pregnant.
The fact that this number is not in my contacts is giving me hope it's a wrong number???
From what I heard you ordered him to lick your balls. Unless you've kept a huge secret I understand his confusion.
he said he was going to fuck me like a rabbit in heat. What he should have said was faster then a train and over before a commercial
The angle I tried to shoot a load on her face was unfortunate. I accidentally came on the David Bowie tribute she had out. Oddly, that made it more erotic.
I walked past his mum on the way out and she offered me toast in a napkin "for my travels". Being home from uni is weird.
Puked in my purse on my Uber ride home last night. Safe to say it's not a good idea to beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
Lost my pants last night. Really need to stop taking shots of whiskey like I'm eating skittles.
HE WAS CUMMING IN THAT DICK PIC
when i woke up with rugburns on the tops of my feet, knees, and chin i was a little confused. and then i remembered i had sex with him in his friends walk in closet.
Do not let Mike show you his naughty Santa Claus outfit. It's a super long beard and crotchless pants.
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