chick flicks and taylor swift songs are like porn for desperate singles
There's a show on bravo about fat people dancing. FAT PEOPLE. DANCING.
This is god's gift to the unemployed.
he recorded me cumming with the t-pain app on his iphone
If we're like this now and women reach their sexual peak in their 30's, I can't even fathom what our futures hold.
No I am not eating basil off your cock
You are the worst substitute drug dealer ever
She looks like if Peter Griffin was a lesbian.
Run away.
I can't believe he let me cut his hair as stoned as I was.. I think I even cut my own hair too
I made her orgasm until she cried. Four years of only having sex with dudes and I've still got it.
When you called me you were telling a hobo that you couldn't spare ten bucks bc that was your beer money. All your words were slurred.
Fuck him.
I can't have my last hookup before 21 have been behind a dumpster
A drunk and bleeding peter is knocking on your door... in nothing more than a sombrero, boxers and cowboy boots.
He can be a kind, caring soul but also give in to the temptation of eating unicorn ass.
If a weird guy texts you in the near future asking if you are satan just go with it
I know you’re not my dad, but you’re someone’s dad. You’re also like a second dad to me as well. And one who I send nudes to as well. Happy Father’s Day
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