Bea Arthur died! :(
What?
Big bird passed.
The cab driver referred to me as his little gumdrop, im sure he won't feel the same when he sees the vomit all over his floor.
saw a pregnant woman in a bridal gown standing on the side of the road while her car was getting searched by police....cheers to new beginnings
the higher we get, the more he looks like ray charles.
I smell like I just crawled out of a bottle of champagne and landed on the floor of taco bueno.
hold on, were in the kitchen painting a yellow brick road to my vagina on my leg with black light paint.
You left me on the phone while you grabbed a plastic bag and started puking. I recorded it. Its my new ringtone for you
Woke up with eyeliner streaked down my face, glitter all over my bed, and holding half-eaten Jimmy Johns. Plus, my whole family's downstairs for Thanksgiving... Welcome to the shitshow that is my early 20s
You know what i just remembered? I asked the 8 ball if i was gonna get kicked out this semester before any of this stuff happened and it said yes. ITS REAL.
i can feel the knowledge leaking out of my brain
replace it with alcohol - nature abhors a vacuum
If a baby can come out of it, so can four raquetballs.
IM WEARING A FLAG
So that's a no to the clothes then
FLAG
what i'd really like is a nice helping of naked boyfriend with a side of naked boyfriend.
My hand smells like rave and peanut butter.
I just found weed in my bra #magicboobs2k16
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