worst. lesbian. ever. i'm not sure she knows a clit from a pencil eraser.
yeah. then i thought it would be a good idea to show them how hairy my armpits were, so they'd be distracted from the bush in my pants. EPIC FAIL.
I like to use the word "seasoned" over "slutty", you know, like a good curly fry
im breathing rainbows and everyone is talking in bubbles whatever you gave me give me more
We all make mistakes. Just lock them up deep down inside your mind so they can surface as weird sexual fantasies it takes your therapist years to decipher when your 40
If I had cancer, and got to make a wish, id make the organization force your dad to fuck me.
crossing my fingers that hitting golf balls off my pourch was a dream and not something that actaculy happened
I think I just wrote a poem about your penis but it was totally unintentional.
Donald Trump and I would be so adorably orange together!
I'm going to miss hockey season. It was the best excuse to get drunk on a Tuesday night.
He's getting Easter eggs filled with weed or Jell-O shots for his birthday
I just tried to brush my hair with a can opener. Who gave you that brownie
You've lost booty call privileges between the hours of 10pm and 8am.
I don't know. I just have an affinity for nudity when I'm drunk.
How the hell am I supposed to tell that to a group of eight year olds?! It was three in the afternoon for fucks sake!
You don't get to call me bro after you've had your dick in me.
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