you were so high you were expressing yourself in action figures
it's so much work when my dad takes my car to get fixed, i had to take out the bottles, condoms, and my pipe
In case you were wondering, my scare crow is wearing your outfit from last night.
You are going to be so proud of me, I'm wearing underwear AND tights. That's two layers more than usual between my vagina and the world.
I just tried to eat one of my ear plugs, thinking it was a cheese curl. I need it to be break RIGHT NOW.
Ok, was I really fucked up or was there a chick from Norway in the ice cream shop teaching us Norwegian last night?
theres chocolate ground into my couch, nerds candy all over the floor and cocaine on every surface. great memorial day weekend and yours?
A little, yeah. We were stealing firewood from the neighbors (drunk), and figured it would be 10 times harder to be angry with us if we got caught if we were naked, and 100% more hilarious.
Omg have I shown you my skeezy ex fiancée?
The other one.
can we just punch him in the dick and call it a victory for feminism
Eating power bars and masterbating... That's kinda my life right now. Is this what having a boyfriend means?
How much weight does it take to launch a cat using a trebuchet vs the tension required for a catapult?
if you're the one who put those dollar bills in my bra last night, thank you because I just used that money to get myself a coffee
Yeah, sometimes it takes a while to realize, wow you kind of suck and not in the fun way
Guess who cheated on their SATs? Also on the same line guess who's getting in to Princeton at damn near free of charge?
Randomize
