somehow on my way home with matt, I ended up straddling steve on the sidewalk and polling the people walking by on whether or not we should have sex.
Is this going to be a big send off or a somber occasion? Just need to know if I should start drinking on the train or not.
:O -> O: ... that's emoticon for "he threw up in my mouth while we were making out"
a girl is trying to cook hot pockets in a saute pan on the stove.
what has two thumbs and is going to bang you boss on monday?
Apparently I grabbed her ponytail and cut it with an exacto knife.
You walked in on me taking a shit and told me to hit the bong
Okay the common myth about putting tampons in you nostrils for a nose bleed is busted. It just starts coming out through your throat.
They're re-releasing Titanic in 3-D. Can I interest you in a joint venture to create the greatest drinking game of all time? I think yes
I just rolled an Obama blunt and a Romney shame joint for tonight. Vote wisely.
My wife just tried to justify to me why she wants to bring a girl into bed with us. I should win an academy award for my face and response of 'well of its what you need.'
It's probably not healthy how legit bummed I am that my bottled of wine is gone.
That moment when I wear the same thing I did to a motel nooner to my family's Christmas party... Ho Hoety Ho bitches
I was on the verge of being completely over him and then he went and made his Instagram not private... ITS LIKE HE KNEW
I'm now consulting a magic eight ball on all major life decisions. On another note I think I have chlamydia.
Randomize
