U dropped me off n it hit me, i made it inside for exactly shit thirty on the nose, another minute n i would of had brown trowsers
went in for an STD check and they referred me to an alcohol and drug councilor. kick me when i'm down.
she tasted like a mixture of sweat and destiny
we have a love-hate relationship...we love having sex but hate waking up next to eachother
I wish i could put a picture of my ass of my resume...that seems to be the only way i will ever get hired
craigslist free llama. are you in or are you in?
After I gave him a handjob for a half an hour he told me I should be a taxidermist. I'm gonna take it as a compliment.
there's a picture of you and pauly shore at a starbucks on my phone
I'm sooo hungover. I fell asleep on top of a car in a parking lot last night. New one to add to the list.
At least now when I say "never again" the likelihood is that it won't actually happen again the next weekend...that my friend is called growth
He walked into the bar, took a deep sniff and said "this place is fertile and ready for my seed" then calmly walked to the service area
Is it bad that I recognize every dick in your dic pic collection?
WHY THE FUCK DID I HAVE TO FALL IN LOVE WITH A CONVICT
At 3:00am my whole house started smelling like cooking meat. I have no idea why she thought it was a good idea to crock-pot a WHOLE turkey that early in the morning.
It's very finicky. Like baking. or BDSM.
Randomize
