I thought she would fill the void you created. Turns out she thought I just wanted to fill hers.
There was something that i liked about you, but you spent it
You litterally reached into some girls shirt, pulled out her tit and yelled whats up with this guy.
dude I just realized something - girls return my clothes washed so in thought bringing girls home is like avoiding going to the laundramat
get home. someone threw up in the fishtank last night.
There's a lady carrying her kids toy animals in a crown royal bag. Mom of the year.
I was so scared, I actually heard my grandmother's voice in my head saying if I get pregnant, then my vagina will fall off. And then I'm going to die.
it's been a while because I don't count the hooker
Girl your like that last load of laundry... I'll do you eventually just not tonight.
the potatoes in the margarita machine wasn't the breaking point. its when he turned on the stove and put a bunch of bottle rockets on it that i knew the night had prematurely failed
okay the fridge is completely filled only with alcohol. Not even exaggerating. There is no food.
Sometimes I wonder if we're going to make it to 40.
Part of my treatment is getting high and having sex with 22 year olds. I have a prescription!
He came in two seconds and stole my pizza so I'm not counting it.
Woke up in the hospital naked with my id's taped to my chest. Also apparently puked on two guys, two girls and an escalade (at the same time). Good night.
not even sure this counts as hungover but like my body can't exist in reality today
Randomize
