the cop asked for your social security number and you gave her your high school locker combo
just woke up to a get well card i wrote myself when i was drunk. it was by the advil. i am a cocky bitch.
And dont forget my 23rd birthday where with no underwear i crawled through the cage of the police car. Dont get drunk be fore you get drunk.
Btw, just wanna point out that you've hooked up with two guys whose birthdays are today. Congratulations, you have a type!
He sent me a picture; erect penis, cat in hand and no pants on. He got a boob pic for that one.
I told my dad my stomach hurt and he bet me ten bucks I couldn't throw up on command. He has no idea what I did last night and I got ten bucks.
If I walk in on you beating off, at least have the fucking decency to STOP BEATING OFF!
I also think about what hot dudes penises are gonna look like when theyre 80 and it's not pretty
I told her shower beers are even better when you have someone in there with you and she said she's been looking for a new drinking buddy. It's a goooooo
He would come to class in wrapped in nothing but a pink towel
Also I've come to learn that "type" and "fetish" are different things. Apologies for earlier confusion.
I did get to watch you pee, tho. That counts as another precious moment.
I know but at least you've never been asked to have sex dressed up like Catwoman
I don't think you understand...I'm really good at getting drunk
i just want things to go smoothly
oh they won't lmao
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